XXVII

“So how do you cure this kind of sadness, again?” she asked herself.

It was one of those particularly melancholic days.

Days she had tried to make the most of despite lingering physiological heart burns.

Perhaps the weather did affect her countenance, really.

Perhaps it was just that start of the year bug.

Or perhaps it was just because she missed him awfully it made her sick and the past few days had been reminding her of how she wished he was still around and it was cruel.

So she just told herself of what he had told her when he was drunk one day. “You’ll find somebody else, I know it”, and then he took it back and told her to forget he ever said that.

One part of her tries to convince the other reluctant part of her how that was perhaps the case now. She had always felt that he was fighting hard and bargaining with himself to be mature with things. And perhaps he had realized how whatever happened to them, eventually, was the best way to put it.

She did not budge because she had so much respect for that good mind he had.

And she had always thought she would be able to accept that maturely too.

But apparently so, she could not bring herself to ever forget him.

How could she?

When every time she remembered him her heart would always want to burst.

“If it was only that easy”, she told herself.

But this was not school where she aced things, she realized, and if she had a big mind, she had a bigger, more stubborn heart, which was quite unfortunate.

And she knew she would always be sad after that.

She just did not imagine it would get to her that much though.

“So much for starting the year eh”, she shook her head and let her thoughts devour her.

What can she do?

She still missed him.

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