XXIX

She had struggled a long time, to put them down all together.
But her thoughts were always an assault force, she realized.
They were everywhere, floating around like lost and hungry souls yearning for the light.
And she did not have the energy to even look at them now.

Perhaps sometimes it is okay to give in to that catatonic stupor,
And watch, at a distance, your thriving life, decked with all those shining, shimmery things, just pass by.

You don’t let it leave your sight,
But you let it have its own way.

That was a tedious process for her,
For she had always wanted things to be within her control, as much as possible.
But it was, exactly, what she had learned for a very long time now, —
That you simply can’t control everything,
And that you have to let go of things, many things, and watch them flourish by themselves.

“How is he?”
A voice from behind asked. She saw her old self from a year ago, smiling.
She was sitting lazily, looking at her life too.
She looked older than how she had imagined she would have looked like.
Had she been doing this often?
Running away to a quiet corner and leaving her life in auto pilot?
She looked at her old self amused.

“I don’t know,” she answered her.
“I wouldn’t know, exactly.
But aren’t we supposed to just let them go, and wish them the best?”

Her old self met her eyes and gave a tender smile.
It was as if she still knew her pains, and hopes, and joys, and fears all the same.

“Yes, yes, I know,
You should,
We should,”
She told her with a reassuring smile.

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